Bald is the New Beautiful

Every morning, girls spend an average of one hour messing with their hair. They wash it, dry it, blow dry it, brush it, and comb it. Then they try their hair in a neat bun, a French braid, a pony tail, pig tails, and finally they decide to simply let their hair down for the day. But it is already too late: The day is ruined.

If girls were bald, their lives would be much easier.

If girls did not have any hair, how much precious time they would save! Never again would they have to worry about how their hair looks or worry about that one strand of hair that is simply out of place. Never again would they have to look in the mirror to check if their hair is perfect. They can finally stop selfishly taking the only bathroom all morning, and they can concentrate on their studies. Girls will find they will have plenty of extra time on their hands if they were simply bald.

In the hot summers when the temperature reaches a scorching 35 degrees Celsius, girls with long hair are much more intolerant of the weather than boys. Their long hair sticking and covering the back of their sweaty necks, and their dark hair soaking in the heat, makes it impossible for girls to stay cool. The heat and sweat given off by the body as a cooling mechanism are trapped by their impermeable, long hair, insulating the body with an extra layer of heat. If girls had no hair, they would not be as hot and could let all the sweat evaporate from their shiny, naked heads. No more would they have to carry an extra hair tie in case of hot days.

Hair can also get icky. If a girl does not wash her hair in three days, the signs of uncleanness already become visible. Oil and grease drip from the hair, staining clothes, and dandruff covers the shoulders like snow. Girls spend much time and money worrying about which shampoo and conditioner to buy because they search for the one that will provide the best results. They worry about gross hair because no one likes to be near people with greasy hair -- but no one needs to have greasy hair if one does not have hair in the first place!

Hair is also very heavy – especially girls’ hair. Extra weight on the head is not good for the neck and may do considerable damage on the person, including neck discs. There was one case in Denmark when a woman’s neck was permanently paralyzed because the weight of her hair obstructed the brain’s function and thus affecting her neck. Heavy hair can be dangerous, and it can also be cumbersome as it drags the day along. If girls did not have hair, they could experience the freedom of tossing their heads and running with the cool wind bathing over their naked heads, which is an experience too savory to describe.

Girls worry too much about their hair. Too may times have I heard complaints of “bad hair days”. I have come up with an easy, profitable, and clean solution of getting rid of girls’ problems: Go bald. Some girls may object to being bald, claiming that it will make them ugly, but if all girls were bald, there would be no need to compare. Bald is the new beautiful.